The Other Side of Fear
Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
12pm, May 10th, 2022. I dragged all of my bags to the top of my fifth floor walk-up and froze in place. My excitement was immediately shrouded by crippling fear. It crept over me slowly before swallowing me whole in an absolute sea of panic. I was terrified.
First, of planes. What if it crashes? Falls out of the sky? Blows up in the air? What if I never even make it to where I’m going? I’ve never left the United States. What happens in another country? What if I get lost? What if something terrible happens? And for THE LOVE OF GOD WHY AM I doing this all alone. Yet another grand adventure in my life and I’m all by myself. I have no idea what I’m doing.
Fuck, I’m scared.
I leaned against the stool in my kitchen, grasping onto my phone with shaky hands, staring at the blurred “Request Uber” button. It buzzed.
“If you’re that afraid, just don’t go.”
The thought of not doing something that could be great because of fear was like a kick in the gut. Fuck that. I’m going. I have nothing to lose but the opportunity of a lifetime. Why would I let fear and anxiety keep from doing something that I’ve always dreamed of? I didn’t let fear get in the way of my poetry, so how could I let get in the way of my latest and greatest adventure?
Whenever we are in the midst of facing our greatest fears, we always have a choice.
To overcome them or to let them win. To let them hold us back or propel us forward. As George Addair wisely stated, “Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”
And he was right. In fact, everything I ever wanted and everything I didn’t even know I wanted was on the other side of those fears.
It has been 3 months and 12 days since I decided to full send it to Europe.
….and still counting.
It has been an incredible and life-changing journey, one that I otherwise would have never experienced if I hadn’t gotten on that plane. One of the greatest lessons I have learned is to say YES. To do the things that scare you. To take blind risks with the faith of reward instead of failure. To cast away fear with choice– the conscious decision to see past the possibility of a negative outcome and just do it…because it is undoubtedly true… on the other side of fear…everything awaits.
Ironically, as I’m writing this, I am once again being held back by fear.
The fear of losing what I’ve found on the other side of fear. Making the wrong decision. Of what might happen next. That it might a bad thing. That I might end up right back where I started. That I could be wrong. That the risk isn’t worth the reward. That I might be hurting myself more than helping myself. That it might be…..that it could be….that it possibly….maybe….bad…stupid….dangerous….irresponsible….wrong….
…Fuck fear, I’m doing it anyway.
