The Beautiful Unknown

Nothing went as planned. Nothing ever goes as planned, and that’s the most beautiful part of living.

Along the way, around the world, and through the ups and downs, I’ve realized that God does not reveal the entirety of our lives to us for a reason. Not because He wishes to keep us in the dark, but because there are certain things we can only discover by walking through them.

And sometimes, the most extraordinary chapters begin with the words, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

If you asked me how I ended up finding horses in Morocco, the answer is the same. I don’t know. I just ended up there. It was never part of the plan. There is something about galloping across the endless landscapes of Morocco. When you're riding a horse, especially at a gallop, you cannot spend every second worrying about what might happen. You cannot obsess over every rock in the distance, every turn in the trail, every possibility of falling. If you do, you tense up. You lose your rhythm. You forget to ride.

You have to trust.

Trust the horse beneath you. Trust your own ability. Trust that when the ground changes, you will find your balance.

And isn't that exactly what life asks of us?

To loosen our grip just enough to enjoy the ride.

Then. there’s Teddy.

My little Moroccan dog.

If someone had told me a few years ago that I would end up with a scruffy little puppy in a horse stable in Essaouira, and eventually find myself navigating international airports, veterinary appointments, government paperwork, and an eight-hour journey across the Atlantic Ocean just to bring him home to America, I would have laughed.

Never part of the plan, and yet, it happened.

There were so many moments when I wondered how on Earth I was going to make it happen. So many things that could have gone wrong. So many reasons to believe the entire endeavor was impossible. But, I kept going.

One appointment. One document. One flight. One day at a time.

And eventually, we made it.

I think about that journey all the time, because it taught me something I desperately needed to learn:

You do not need to know how everything is going to work out in order to believe that it can.

Sometimes God gives you the entire staircase. Other times, He gives you one step and asks you to trust Him enough to take it.

Teddy didn't know where we were going. He didn't understand the paperwork or the airplanes or the thousands of miles separating one home from another. He simply trusted that I would take care of him.

It's easy to have faith when the sun is shining, the horses are running, the people we love are loving us back, and life seems to be unfolding exactly as we imagined.

But what about when it isn't? What about when the person you thought would be part of your future becomes someone you must leave in your past? What about when a place you once called home no longer feels like home? What about when you wake up one morning and realize that the life you worked so hard to build is no longer the life you want?

Those are the moments when faith becomes something more than a beautiful sentiment.

It becomes a choice.

I have prayed for things that never happened. I have begged God to change circumstances that remained exactly as they were. I have held on to people, places, and possibilities long after they stopped bringing me peace. And I have mistaken unanswered prayers for abandonment.

But I am beginning to understand that sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes the answer is not yet.

And sometimes the answer is something so entirely different from what we asked for that we cannot possibly recognize it as a blessing until much later.

Today, I am 31 years old.

I am exactly where I thought I’d never be, but exactly where I am meant to be.

I have realized along the way, that I am becoming, always. No matter which way my path leads.

There are people I thought would be standing beside me today who are no longer here. There are places I thought I would call home forever that I am preparing to leave behind. There are dreams I have chased across oceans, prayers I have whispered through tears, and moments I thought I would never make it out of.

There were days I felt so extraordinarily alive, galloping across the beaches of Morocco with the wind in my hair, convinced there could be no greater happiness on Earth. And, there were days I had no idea who I was.

I have loved deeply, stayed when I should have left, tried endlessly to save people who did not want to save themselves. I have confused love with sacrifice and sacrifice with suffering. And, like the rest of humanity, I have lost people I wish I could speak to just one more time…

But, I have gained perspective, grown to understand the beauty of no direction, and of course, a little dog who,, has taught me more about unconditional love than some people ever could.

Cheers to life and whatever unplanned adventure comes next…