…Dancing on the Edge of Fears
The excerpt below was written on September 17, 2017.
One month before I was given the unexpected opportunity to work in New York City. The beautiful thing about finding this old post is the reminder of its message:
When you make peace with what is, you allow space for what is meant to be.
After I “let go” of my fears of inadequacy and failure, once I made peace with my present reality, once I decided to take control of my fear…the door I’d waiting for swung open. But before I could move forward into my new life, I had to make peace with the one I was living. I had to trust. Be in the moment. Let go and let God.
Dancing on the Edge of My Fears (9/17/17):
I tried writing my thoughts in the sand. I looked up at the sky and tried twisting the clouds into sentences. The sun shone, bright and strong, beating onto my shoulders. My cheeks burned, flushed a light pink from the heat of the sun. The waves crashed angrily in the distance, pulling back and forth on the sand. Monarch butterflies were scattered in the brush, fluttering around peacefully against the soft wind.
A light breeze blew a feather into the pile of sand I’d been running my fingers through. I picked up the feather and placed it sticking straight up in the sand. I watched the edges twist themselves into the direction of the wind. The air was salty and crisp.
It wasn’t until this very moment, that I realized how loud my thoughts were. My mind was shouting; decisions, problems, memories. We often ignore the beauty of the world around us, paying more attention to the traffic jam inside our heads. I closed my eyes and silenced my mind. Taking in everything with each breath.
I’d been living in my own world of problems for so long, I’d forgotten what truly mattered. I’d forgotten how to live. That’s the key, I thought, the solution to all of my problems. I needed to silence my mind, and remind myself to live. In the moment. Take everything for what it is, and then let it go. The only thing that matters, truly, is right now.
All you need to do is accept the present for what it is.
And so, I decided I was no longer going to dwell inside my mind, I was no longer going to be a victim of the whirlwind of thoughts bouncing around in my head. Instead, I was going to stand up and leap into the angry ocean, fearlessly, and ready for every crashing wave.
Little did I know, there’d be an equally fearless, and MUCH stronger under toe. I wrestled with the waves, tumbling around in the sea. For lack of a better term, the ocean kicked my ass. But I kept getting up, fighting my way through the tides, and back onto shore.
Breathing heavily after my fight with the waves, I plopped onto my blanket and gazed into the clouds. I was no longer going to be afraid, I thought. There was no room in my mind for fear, I was going to show life I couldn’t be swept out to sea.
From now on, I’ll dancing on the edge of my fears and befriending my uncertainties. I will welcome them with open arms into my life, as part of who I am, without ever giving them the chance to hold me back.
It’s time to live.