No Longer With Pain

Dear sweet, comfortable pain…

My blanket of protection, shielding me from the rest of the world.

A storm cloud hiding behind a sunny smile.

 I took pain with me everywhere.

To make the most of it, I befriended it.

Accepted it.

Let it tack itself to my heels as an endlessly looming shadow.

And so, the pain became my only trusted company. 

It was a reliable enemy…

It would never leave me, even though I wanted it to, I also wanted it stay.
Pain is easy to hide, hard to ignore, but always there.

This unfair companionship tacked itself to my identity, dispersed itself into my words, and filled the gaps of my soul that requested healing. 

 It brought itself to the surface and I swam in it, blissfully, enjoying its familiar empty company. 

 See, to completely let it leave was to lose part of my identity….

 I knew the pain had served its purpose…but I could not let it go

I wasn’t ready to accept the loss of the part of me that had already died so long ago….

 Without pain, who am I?

Pain, the version of myself, I held captive in the back of my mind. 

Pain, the person I had outgrown...
I, who knew light, but chose darkness.

I, who ignored my own source of gifted intuition.

l, who used pain to propel myself forward but never let it leave for good….

Dear sweet, comfortable pain.

 Held forever hostage, at my own cost, by my own will. 

But see….

Finally 
I let it leave and I have locked the door.

I am no longer in pain. 

I am no longer with pain.

I am no longer pain.

I am power.