The Girl On The Beach

Hi Reader! My name is Natalie Nascenzi and I’m a poet. Before you say it–yes, I know it. But, I didn’t always. This is my story of how poetry became my passion, pain became power, and hope became the catalyst to change. It’s the story of fate, weight loss, transformation, and conquering mental illness. My passion and mission is to spread the message: 

Never lose hope. You can do anything. You can be anyone. No matter who you are or what you go through, you have the power to write your story. You hold the pen. Above all, never give up on yourself. 

My goal is to be able to help as many people as possible. I’ve always dreamed of making enough money with my poetry to donate, start a charity, or in some way, help others achieve their dreams and overcome mental health issues. I want to grow my audience and spread my message as much as possible. Change the world, if you will. However, even if that dream is far away from now, if this article inspires at least one person, I’ll have done my job. And, that’s a blessing in itself. After all, we can change the world one person at a time. 

Here's my story:

September 2017. The beach is empty and the soft morning sunlight kisses the sea. Billions of glittering specks of light dance across the water. It’s as if the waves are shrouded in diamonds, endlessly sparkling in the dewy haze of summer sunrise. The sky is cast an array of golden shades with pink and purple hues outlining the atmosphere, grazing the underbellies of the clouds. Nestled in the sand, cross-legged and silent, there is girl. She is me. 

Changing your life is an easy thing to say. After all, it’s just three words. That’s it. “I can say it.” I thought, “But can I actually do it?” I stared out at the melting sun, watching the sky fade. “And even I do, where do I even begin?” I was twenty-one years old, overweight, and still living at home. I was the girl with a lot of goals and absolutely no plan. The girl who had graduated college and couldn’t seem to find a job, no matter how hard I tried. I had just returned from an unexpected trip to Hawaii. Unfortunately, I had to drop everything to fly out and help my brother overcome his mental battle. When I returned, I moved back in with my parents. I couldn’t afford to live on my own. 

The beach had become my safe haven, it was the only place where anything made sense and the temporary antidote to ease my sadness. I was overweight, depressed, and I felt alone. Insecure. Not good enough for anything or anyone. It was in that moment that I decided enough was enough. It was time change my life. Yes. I was no longer going to play the victim. I was going to do everything in my power to achieve my dreams. I was going to move to New York City. I was going to get a job in advertising. I was going to do it all. 

Changing your life starts with the decision to change your life.

I spent the next few weeks furiously applying to advertising agencies in NYC, spamming the inboxes of every company I could find. However, every plan A needs a plan B. So, I booked a plane ticket to L.A. for two months in advance and promised myself that if I didn’t make it to New York by that time, I would get on the plane and start over across the county. A day or two after booking my flight, I received an email from one of the companies that I had applied to from the CEO himself. He said, “If you can write me an advertising campaign in 24 hours, I will hire you to freelance.” Whoa. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. After way too many of cups of coffee, hundreds of trashed ideas, and zero sleep, I worked up three extremely mediocre ads. “Oh well,” I sighed. Exhausted, I hit send at 9 AM the next morning and patiently waited for his reply. Two painfully long days passed.

Finally, my phone buzzed. I’ll spare the details but basically, he loved it! It was a Friday and he had asked if I could start that following Monday. I know, crazy timing right? There was a problem, though. I was still living in Rhode Island and needed a place to live. I called my college roommate from New Jersey and asked if I could stay with her for the duration of this job. Her wonderful family was kind enough to take me in for the month during my “trial” freelancing gig. It was perfect timing really, because if it didn’t work out, once the month was up, I was ready to rock my way to L.A.

Just like that, my bags were packed and I was on my way to New York City.

*Drum roll please* I absolutely hated the job. Yup. I couldn’t wait for the month to end. I knew I had my plane ticket handy and I was ready to fly as far away as possible from NYC and copywriting. Then, something magical happened. My good ol’ friend fate stepped in. The day before my flight, on the last day of that job, I snagged an interview at a different agency. Shockingly enough, they hired me on the spot and I started work that following Monday. 

Trust the journey. Everything always works out. You will always end up where you are meant to. 

Clearly, it was meant for me to be in NYC. Everything fell into place….and kept on falling. I loved my new job but I was still craving change. Immediately after starting my new position, I embarked on a new journey. Weight loss. I cut down my calories, gave up chocolate and meat, started working out and BOOM!

Eight months later, I was down 85lbs. I never thought I would write those words. Never. Still, to this day, the concept is shocking. Losing weight is wonderful. You look good, you feel good, and people notice you. What most people don’t realize: you can shed all the pounds you want, but you can’t so easily shed the old perception of yourself. It’s a dangerous mix of knowing you look great, but not being able to let go of what you used to look like. It’s the twisted mess of not recognizing who are on the inside versus who you are now on the outside. I was battling with the false perception of myself both internally and externally. Physical and mental disembodiment. One day, I looked in the mirror. I stared at myself for what seemed like forever and I saw a beautiful girl. I stared at her defined features, thin legs, and slender arms. She was me, but she wasn’t. 

It all happened at once: a new job, a new life, and a new me. Learning to navigate a new city, a new sense of self, and a highly demanding job began to take its toll. I began my next journey into what I like to call my “battle of selves.” This unexpected turn greeted me with crippling anxiety, intrusive/repetitive thoughts, and depression. I was on a fast track, running full speed ahead, and I had finally come to a crashing halt. I lost sight of who I was completely, battling two sides of myself – the side of me that was logical and positive, and the side of me that was irrational and insecure. 

My chaotic mind on fire . Fighting an angry beast within.

There’s gunshots , explosions , smoke and dust

I fear , I may not win 

Half of me wanted to succumb to the madness, give in, and give up. The other half of me fought back and I did everything I could to make myself whole again. I started going to therapy and he helped, but I knew I had more work to do in order to conquer my mind. I dived into my own recovery. I read books about mental illness, I tried walking, journaling, and meditating. I ate weird foods and vitamins. I went to church. I drank Chinese teas and went to holistic doctors. I even got my cards read. I was my own project, a WIP (work in progress), engrossed in the great act of trial and error to fix myself. There were good days and bad days, but every morning I woke up and tried again. 

That’s when I started writing poetry. All of that pain became words on paper.

Stressed and confused , I refuse to take part

And so, I am forced to endure

To sit with this madness in silence . I remain irreversibly torn.

I decided to compile all of my poems together. The idea was to write a book and share my poetry with others, in hopes that I could connect with people through my pain and help them with theirs. I wanted to show people that you can pull yourself out of the darkness. That hope is the most powerful weapon against any pain that you may face. As soon as I made the choice to write a book, the whole “falling into place” thing started happening again. I began unexpectedly stumbling into strangers who all ended up playing a vital role in my poetic quest. One of them was the artist, Grant McGrath (@grantmcgrath.art). His work was not only phenomenal but it was the first time that I came across artwork that felt like a reflection of my poetry. 

Everyone we meet along the way serves a purpose.

Yes, I was writing a book….but…there was one problem. I suffered from imposters syndrome and crippling stage fright. That’s right, I refused to read my work to anyone. My words were my own, locked away, for my eyes and ears only. Sharing them was terrifying. Mostly due to self-doubt, partly because of how personal they were, and always because of the fear of not being good enough. Crossing paths with this artist changed everything. He taught me the importance of sharing my work. 

After that, I worked tirelessly to finish my manuscript. Once it was finally done, I thought, “Okay, now what?” I knew I needed to break my fear and share my poetry to a wider audience, but how could I do that? Open mic nights. The idea was frightening but I knew it was what I needed to do to move forward. Despite fear, insecurity, and doubt, I attended my first open mic night. Yet another life-changing decision. Here comes fate again! That first open mic I went to? That’s where I met Tonii, founder of iiPublishing.

What happened after that open mic? Well, I began performing all over the city. I met hundreds of amazing artists and became a part of a wonderful community of creators. I Published my first book in March 2020, “Out of Chaos” with ii Publishing. Identified myself as a poet. I built a following on Instagram during the pandemic. Through all of the chaos, I wrote my second book, “The Aftermath of Unrest,” and self-published it in November 2020. I’ve been featured in anthologies all over the world. I’ve done interviews and videos. And now, people from everywhere read my books and my poetry. I get to connect with and inspire hundreds of people every day with my words and my story. Most importantly, I am an advocate for mental health, weight loss, positivity, and hope. Even if it’s only one person at a time, I like to believe I’m doing my part to change the world each and every day. 

All of this began with the decision to change my life. The decision to never give up and to never lose hope. To never stop, despite any obstacle that life threw my way. That’s why in this moment, if you’ve made it this far in my story, you should know this: 

You have the power to create your reality.

There is no such thing as impossible, no matter what you might be facing.You can do it. Keep going. Make the choice and never lose your vision of becoming the best version of yourself. Trust me, one day, you will look back and think, “I am so glad I decided to change my life.” 

May 2018. Nestled on the rug, cross-legged and at peace with herself, there is a woman. She is a poet, an author, and a copywriter. Golden beams of light are splashed across the sky and refracting off the windows of the buildings. She is writing an article, looking out at the midtown skyline from the window of her New York City apartment. The sun slinks behind the steel structures and she smiles, thinking about the girl on the beach….

She would be so proud. She had no idea that in only three years she would be me. 

So, now I ask you, who do you want your future self to be? 

The possibilites are endless.